my soul wont recognize me after tonight
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
