It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
