Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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