I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
