Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
