His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
