Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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