Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
