I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
