i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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