i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
