It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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