Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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