you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
