Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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