do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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