At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
