Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I think i got beer on your cat.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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