Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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