There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
