Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
