he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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