i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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