I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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