there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
