i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i now understand why vodka
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
