i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
