She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
