So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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