Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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