ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
