we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
