I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
