That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
