Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
