there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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