Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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