I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
