Your mouth is God's brothel.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Randomize
