Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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