Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Non-Jews are for practice
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
