You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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