New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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