i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize