Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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