U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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