Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
