it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
