Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
