"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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