I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
