i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
