I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
