i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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