Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
