I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
