I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
