He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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