apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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