why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
