Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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