she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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