even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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