so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
