I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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