just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All the doctor said was why
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
