so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
