Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
